The Prodigal Daughter

As a La Europa girl moves through each step, they are granted more and more privileges.  Miya reached Step 3 towards the end of July and was now allowed to come home for her first home pass; a long weekend. Miya’s therapist and I determined that it was fitting that Miya come home the weekend before my birthday.  I made her air reservations and started making plans for her homecoming.  After the last Parent Weekend, La Europa suggested that parents should begin to build a home support system for our daughter’s permanent return.  I turned to Miya’s local therapist who has known us for nearly six years.  She suggested that I try to replicate Miya’s structured La Europa schedule.  I went into action and had each day of the week-end planned from the time we got up to the time we went to bed.  This included exercise time, a trip to the mall, manicure/pedicure day, barbecue with her best friend, and a request by her therapist to sit together at the end of the day talking about how we felt the day went.  I was set to go!!!  The road, however, between moving to Step 3 and the travel day seemed like an eternity.  Not only because I had been waiting for months for this moment, but because a couple of incidents put Miya back on safety―which could eliminate her opportunity for this home pass altogether.

The first incident occurred when the girls were taken on an outside activity to a lake.  They encountered a guy throwing rocks at a duck; eventually killing the animal.  My impulsive daughter, and her tender heart for animals, began throwing rocks at the guy and cursing him out.  I was proud that she had the heart to stand up for the animal, but not how she handled the situation. Obviously La Europa was not either, especially as it related to Miya’s safety.

The second was Miya’s threats to two staff members.  We are finding that Miya tends to "jump on the bandwagon" with her peers or tries to protect her peers who are angry or upset at the detriment of herself.  This particular incident was a prime example and unfortunately the catalyst for putting her on safety. 

It was not until recently, during a VERY painful family therapy session, I learned of Miya’s need to protect others from pain―she would rather endure the pain than the other person.  It was also during this session that I learned that Miya felt she needed to protect me from the verbal abuse of my ex-husband when she was small. There are not enough words to express the guilt I felt at that moment.

The intent of the home pass is to allow the girls to test the coping skills they have learned and put them into practice. It wasn’t until two days before Miya was to depart Salt Lake City that I learned Miya was off safety and had been approved for this home pass.  I was thrilled, but anxious about what might transpire during her visit. So many scenarios ran through my mind, but the main thing I wanted to ensure was that we had quality time together. Miya did not learn of her homecoming until the day before departure, but listening to her excitement settled some of my fears. 

Knowing how much Miya loves her dogs, I wanted them to make the trek to the airport with me. One of my worries was how they would react to Miya and whether or not they would remember her.  I knew if they didn’t, Miya would be crushed. This was a major celebration for our family and on the day of Miya’s homecoming, we jumped in the “bye-bye car” and off we went to the airport.

Miya had made the decision that she didn’t want me to meet her at the gate.  My initial reaction was one of hurt, but after a ‘come to Jesus’ meeting with myself, I knew my daughter was experiencing growth. This time last year, my fear-based daughter would have been afraid to fly alone.  She was tackling her fears and I was proud.  I told her I was going to exercise my parental right to embarrass her, but once I saw her coming down the escalator, those liberties were overcome with tears and open arms.  People were celebrating the return of their military loved ones and I was right there with them.  My baby was home!

Overall, it was a good week-end. There were a few bumps along the way, but Miya was able to recover quickly; a far cry from the rage, anger, and defiance she left with.  She was very respectful of the boundaries and rules that were imposed on her by her La Europa therapist, as well as home rules.  She seemed more responsible and told me she felt more confident.

I was determined to keep her on the structured schedule I had outlined, however she respectfully declined the trip to the mall and the manicure/pedicure day. It became apparent that Miya really was content to just be home. The greatest enjoyment was the time we spent cooking together. I realized there was so much I hadn’t taught her and wanted to make sure I invested in this opportunity to explain some cooking fundamentals; time that had been robbed of us during our traumatic journey before La Europa.

Putting her back on the plane was hard for both of us. She was very quiet while we waited for the boarding call―and I could sense her apprehension.  I was determined to be strong for us both. A lady in line apparently had been watching Miya and me.  Just as Miya entered the ramp to board the plane, the woman said, “You two are so precious, is that your baby?”  I could only nod my head up and down. At that point my strength had given in to tears.