During the second level, a LaEuropa girl begins the journey of understanding what her Core Issues (toxic shame) are and how they impact her behavior and emotions. She also explores patterns that have lead to self-destruction. The goal then is to replace a deep negative meaning with a positive core meaning and learn to live according to the positive meanings.
I recently returned from my first Parent weekend at LaEuropa (April 7 - 9); the first time Miya and I had seen one another in 3 months. Coming into the weekend I tried very hard not to have any expectations. I truly didn’t know what to expect, but wanted to make sure the healing journey was Miya’s and not mine. Overall, Miya seemed more calm, more confident, more independent, and moving in the right direction. The weekend, however, left me emotionally exhausted (it took me about a week to process all of it), but inspired by what I saw and experienced.
Arriving at La Europa the first morning was exciting and I was full of anticipation. Driving up I could see the girls peering out of the windows with their precious little faces pressed against the door¾each waiting in anticipation for their parent(s). Once I emerged from the car, Miya came running out to greet me and we were locked in an indescribable hug that I wanted to go on forever. I just wanted to touch her, feel her, and have her as close to me as possible. Once inside she began introducing me as her “beautiful, little mom” and there was genuine pride in her voice. We were all treated to a fabulous breakfast and then we were off to begin our family agenda that had been assigned to us; 1 full day on Thursday and a majority of the day on Friday.
The agenda for Miya and me on Thursday included taking and evaluating the Meyers-Briggs personality style with several other families. The interesting thing was that most of the girls were extroverts and the parents were introverts. Miya and I were no exception, but we did score the same on the intuitive, feeling, and judging section. The afternoon session was on levels of communication and how our comments can have an impact on the other person’s self-worth¾a real “eye-opener.” That evening we were treated to La Europa’s Fine Arts Festival. A moving inspiration where the girls showed off their talents through song, dance, instrumentals, and a featured artist who displayed her photography and painting works. Miya and girls from her Fashion Design class modeled their Lady Gaga outfit; an assignment where they had to use recycled materials.
Friday morning I was not greeted by Miya, but by one of the staff who informed me that Miya had a rough night after I dropped her off on Thursday evening. She kicked a hole in the wall and yanked some lights out of the wall. I was mortified, but the staff looked at this as a positive because this was the first side of anger they had seen Miya display, and were encouraged that this could be a breakthrough to her self-healing.
Miya and I were assigned to 3½ hours of team building and role playing during Friday’s session. This was extremely emotional because it not only forced Miya and me to relive our pain, but we also intimately listened to other girls reenacting their issues and family struggles. Hearing about the other girl’s problems that brought them to La Europa was inconceivable. The stories I heard left me sad, helpless, angry, and numb. What our young people are subjected to these days is frightening! During one of our alone times, I asked Miya how she felt about some of the other girl’s stories. She responded with thankfulness because she had been protected from being introduced to the elements that had caused so much sadness for these girls. That response helped me realize that I had made the right decision to send Miya to La Europa. For in time, the other girl’s stories could have easily been our reality.
Saturday was a day for alone time. Miya and I enjoyed an early morning movie and then it was off to get her hair trimmed. I had made Miya an appointment, but not knowing the area or salons I relied on the internet. At our appointed time we drove up to a quaint little home off a major street. I don’t know what my expression looked like when we entered the salon, but it had to be blank astonishment coupled with fear. For in that instance I realized all of the operators were older than me and I had brought Miya to a senior citizen salon. There before me sat little old ladies in their perm rods under the hair dryer. I probably was more horrified than Miya. She handled it very well and actually the ladies were very entertaining. A perfect reprieve from the emotionally-charged past two days and the hairstylist did an incredible job. God does have a sense of humor!!!
After the senior citizen salon, it was back to La Europa before we had to say our good-byes and my return to Sacramento. After Thursday’s night’s incident, I purposely asked Miya to find a place in the house where she and I could be alone. My emotions took over and I didn’t want to leave her. The more I cried, the more she became the parent trying to console me.
The week following Parent’s Week-end, Miya had an altercation with one of the staff. Obviously this coupled with her kicking a hole in the wall and my visit must have triggered Miya’s Root of Destruction. Miya has yet to fully uncover her Root of Destruction (Core Issue), but she did verbally recognize that kicking a hole in the wall was her response to her fear of my leaving Thursday night. She is anxious about many things, but I think abandonment probably ranks the highest on her fear level. I know she worries about me and what will happen to her if something happens to me.
During a family session a couple of weeks following my visit, Miya shared the fear she has of my ex-husband’s return into our life. I listened intently, but couldn’t help but feel guilty for what I had subjected my daughter to. Much to my shame I realized I had put my happiness above that of my daughters.
